Tonight, a memory came to my mind that I just wish I could forget. I don't think that I've ever really gotten over this and I don't really know how to. I was just so young, and it was such a big deal at the time. It's like burned into my mind.
In 5th grade, I had some drama with my 1st grade teacher and her son. Her son was a classmate of mine, and had a crush on one of my friends, This caused him to call her on the phone one day. I have absolutely no clue how this was such a big deal at the time, but his mom found out somehow and knew that I knew... I honestly don't remember all of the details, all I remember is that I was with him when called her once. She didn't even answer the phone... anyway, on the night of some school event or something, she took me aside into a room with her son and had a talk with us. She commanded me to sit down and listen to her. She yelled at me for saying that her son had called a girl when he hadn't. But he had! Somehow she trusted her son so much that she had no doubt that he was telling the truth. So, somehow, she thought that I was lying about it. She was so rude and snide. I think I lost a lot of respect for adults that day. I can still remember... the room, the attitude, the feelings in the room.... I was sobbing sitting next to her son, and he did not say a word. He never, ever confessed that he did call her, and that I wasn't lying.
To be honest, I don't know why this came to my mind tonight. It does come up once in a while in my thoughts. Sometimes I guess you just feel so down or angry that all the negative things that have happened to you come back. I still don't understand why she yelled at me, or how she could think that she could confront a minor like that, alone, with no parents or anyone present. It was so wrong. I remember walking out of that room right into the bathroom, where I talked to my friend who he had called, and she tried to make me feel better. I remember telling her the story, with my voice and whole body shaking and feeling sick. She couldn't believe that all of that had happened. I was in shock too! He never confessed to this. It was so silly- a stupid phone call?? How could someone be so upset about a 5th grade boy just calling a girl on the phone?? A few days or weeks later I was talking to a friend about it in the line to go home. I was waiting for my mom to pick me up, and all of the grades were divided into lines in the school gym. Apparently I spoke with my hands back then, because my 1st grade teacher came over and confronted me, saying that she knew exactly what I was talking about. She was always so mean and cruel to me. I was a sweet kid.. I remember people telling me that I was. It never made any sense.
"I think I lost a lot of respect
for adults that day."
This all happened 8 years ago. I still remember it- in detail. I don't remember everything, just the worst parts. I never felt so much hatred in my life as in that moment. How could someone be so cruel? I was only 10 or so when this happened, and I still remember the story and how the situation made me feel.
I'm sick of people taking advantage of my kindness. I'm sick of people blaming me for things that weren't my fault, or that I don't even know anything about. Sometimes people joke around and blame me for things, but I remember those moments later and if I'm having a hard time those things come back to me.
I am not a terrible person- I honestly try to be nice, respectful, and helpful to everyone. Sometimes people just don't understand what I was trying to do.
I guess I am writing this to say, the things that you tell people, even though they may not seem like a big deal, matter. Words hurt. More than words, attitudes hurt. Have a gracious and loving attitude, please. There is enough hatred and cruelty in the world. Every choice you make, whether you're conscious of it or not, matters.
Sometimes it can define or change EVERYTHING.