I have been struggling with something a lot lately. Sometimes I can just let it go and forget about it for a while, especially because I'm a lot busier these days, but honestly this keeps me up a lot of nights.
I don't know what I want out of life.
I have so many big dreams and aspirations... but they are all so big.
Here is my list:
1) I want to be a singer
2) I want to open my own bakery
3) I want to start a catering business
4) I want to have a band
5) I want to be a backup singer
6) I want to be a YouTuber
7) I want to travel a lot and see the sights in our country
8) I want to be a photographer of some sort
Do you see my problem here? All of these things are completely independent or require a ton of information from other people to start up. I have no idea how to make any of these things happen. None.
Right now I am working for a local, privately-owned cafe. I work about 25 hours or so a week, and it's honestly taking a lot out of me. I am so stressed out, so even when I am home for the day I am worrying about work for the next week or setting my alarm at 4:00 PM just to make sure I don't forget to set it later for the next morning. It's killing me.
I think the majority of this problem, though, is that i'm starting to not be content. I know that God wants me to be content in every situation He puts me in, but I can only handle so much in my strength. I know that God is my strength and with Him I can do anything, but maybe this is His way of telling me that He has something different planned for me? I don't really know.
What I do know, however, is that whatever God has planned for me is perfect. It will satisfy my heart because in doing it, I will be obeying God and working along side of him. How amazing is that? He is with me now but this part of my life is just a chapter in the book that He is writing in very great detail. He wants to use me in big ways but He knows that I need to learn to be patient, and to trust Him.
I like to think that I trust God. But honestly, I think that sometimes I fail to let myself realize that I'm scared, and I really don't think about the fact that He's got the given situation under control. It's hard.
God is good.
I don't know why He has me where I am right now, but later I believe that I will find out. He is just preparing me for something totally amazing; something that I may not even know exists or is possible for me. I've been realizing lately that I doubt myself a lot.
And thus my theme verse comes to mind....
""For I know the plans I have for
you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you
and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and