I have been struggling with something a lot lately. Sometimes I can just let it go and forget about it for a while, especially because I'm a lot busier these days, but honestly this keeps me up a lot of nights.
I don't know what I want out of life. I have so many big dreams and aspirations... but they are all so big. Here is my list: 1) I want to be a singer 2) I want to open my own bakery 3) I want to start a catering business 4) I want to have a band 5) I want to be a backup singer 6) I want to be a YouTuber 7) I want to travel a lot and see the sights in our country 8) I want to be a photographer of some sort Do you see my problem here? All of these things are completely independent or require a ton of information from other people to start up. I have no idea how to make any of these things happen. None. Right now I am working for a local, privately-owned cafe. I work about 25 hours or so a week, and it's honestly taking a lot out of me. I am so stressed out, so even when I am home for the day I am worrying about work for the next week or setting my alarm at 4:00 PM just to make sure I don't forget to set it later for the next morning. It's killing me. I think the majority of this problem, though, is that i'm starting to not be content. I know that God wants me to be content in every situation He puts me in, but I can only handle so much in my strength. I know that God is my strength and with Him I can do anything, but maybe this is His way of telling me that He has something different planned for me? I don't really know. What I do know, however, is that whatever God has planned for me is perfect. It will satisfy my heart because in doing it, I will be obeying God and working along side of him. How amazing is that? He is with me now but this part of my life is just a chapter in the book that He is writing in very great detail. He wants to use me in big ways but He knows that I need to learn to be patient, and to trust Him. I like to think that I trust God. But honestly, I think that sometimes I fail to let myself realize that I'm scared, and I really don't think about the fact that He's got the given situation under control. It's hard. God is good. I don't know why He has me where I am right now, but later I believe that I will find out. He is just preparing me for something totally amazing; something that I may not even know exists or is possible for me. I've been realizing lately that I doubt myself a lot. And thus my theme verse comes to mind.... Jeremiah 29:11 ""For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.""
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