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Thoughts/Encouragement/Records/Ideas
Does everyone feel like EVERYTHING these days is corrupt?
2020 was a radical year. It changed everything- your routine, your relationships, your mindset, your attitude, your fears, your hopes, your beliefs. It also changed INFORMATION. The news on TV, the ramblings on Twitter, the videos on YouTube, the opinionated posts on Facebook.... everyone who had an opinion shared it boldly and absolutely OPPRESSED those who kept their mouths shut. Many people were afraid to say literally ANYTHING, because people were so hyped up on disagreeing that they found a problem with everything. This hasn't ended. I don't see it ever ending. Honestly, this change in information and attitude was inevitable. It just happened to take place all at once. It's like satan decided "IT'S GO TIME" and the world went absolutely MAD. Violence, hate, meanness, cruelty, everything awful just came to the surface. It's truly sad to see the world for how it really is. I think this is especially true in America. I'm sick of the fear of saying something as simple as "this ice cream is the best!", because you KNOW that someone is going to BERATE you for it. Something as small as that. WAKE UP PEOPLE The good part is, is that this is a reminder to many that THIS is not our home. We aren't supposed to ACCEPT the world like it is- full of sin and death and pain and abuse. This is just a blip in time, the real stuff comes later. There's so much hope in that fact, but it IS hard to live on this earth in the state that it has become- and it's only going to get worse. SET YOUR MIND ON THINGS ABOVE- NOT ON EARTHLY THINGS. FOR YOU DIED- AND YOUR LIFE IS NOW HIDDEN WITH CHRIST IN GOD. WHEN CHRIST, WHO IS YOUR LIFE, APPEARS, THEN YOU ALSO WILL APPEAR WITH HIM IN GLORY.
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So they say that life never goes quite how you expect it to.
I can say that I completely agree with that statement. Now, I'm not going to get into all the things that happened a few years ago that REALLY prove that to be true, but I AM going to share how I'm feeling about life right now. It's frustrating! Here's the main thing I've been struggling with in my mind- public lifestyle. Since I was a tween, and maybe even sooner, I wanted to have a successful YouTube channel. I never knew quite how to make that happen, as I am pretty camera shy and honestly didn't know how to make quality content. This is still an aspiration of mine but a YouTube channel these days comes with a whole mass of other things. If you want to be successful, you have to have a SOCIAL MEDIA presence. Instagram is one of the main ones I feel you HAVE to be on to gain a following. Then there's newer apps like TikTok. Did I mention all of the changes social media has gone through over the past few years? Stories. Reels. Live videos. etc. It's truly overwhelming! In this culture you're almost expected to chronicle your entire life online. I do NOT want to do that. BUT, I want to have a YouTube channel and have it be successful, and I just feel that all of that is necessary to make it happen. But it shouldn't be that way. I don't know how to dial it back without always thinking that I need to be doing MORE. Maybe we all need to learn how to do less. Whew! Looking around on this blog I'm realizing that it's been over a year since I've written. Even longer since I've REALLY written.
So much has happened in these past few years, I can't even begin to explain it all to you. And honestly? I'm not going to try. At least, not right now. It's not the time for that. I'll give you a few details so you know where I'm coming from as you read on in this post. I have multiple health issues and ones we don't even know the cause of. I spend most of my free time in bed, miss work more than I wish i had to admit, and sometimes just wish it could all just END already. I'm so sick of living my life SICK. It's very difficult to stay positive in this type of situation. When your body fails you. When you lose your perspective of purpose because you're lying around all day instead of making your dreams happen... or even just managing your life. Lately though, I've been starting to find myself with a slight change in my outlook on things. I've been sicker than ever, missing more work than ever, but I can tell that a change is coming just around the corner. Or at least, I now have HOPE that it's coming. I'm honestly not sure where the switch is that must have been slowly flipped on to start this mindset. Perhaps it's a dimmer switch, and i'm slowly waking up to the light. Anyway, rambling aside, I honestly just feel like i have gotten to the end of my rope. I've heard it said that THAT'S where real change happens. When you have nothing left. No hope, no happiness, no patience, no comfort, no confidence. I'm not going to get into the biblical side of things and tell you that this is the point where God swoops in and saves you from the mess. I'm not there yet. But i will tell you what I am trying to do to make a change. For the past year I have been working part-time as a seller on Poshmark. It is an app where you sell clothes, your own or, in my case, thrifted. It's always been my dream to work for myself. Through many challenges and defeats, I decided to just go for it harder than before. Let me tell you, it is NOT easy. It takes a lot of time, lots of frustration, lots of interaction, some anger, maybe some tears, and a lot of effort. But the feeling I get when i see that notification pop up saying I've sold something makes it ALLLLL worth it. It's funny how that happens. But then there are dark times. Times when it feels like NO ONE is going to buy anything I'm selling. NO ONE cares about what I'm trying to offer.... Did you read what I just said? So many of us struggle with these thoughts in our own life. "No one believes in me and my dreams." "No one cares about what I'm trying to do, or BECOME." I definitely see myself in this example, do you? It is SO frustrating and upsetting to go through your life feeling like you are all alone it it all. To feel like you have all these dreams and ambitions and hopes and goals and no one in the entire world is there to support you. Even when there are people in your life who tell you you're doing a good job. Nothing they may say even matters. It's a YOU thing. It's a me thing. I find myself so often wanting validation from other people. It's just built into me. I wish i knew why. When i hear criticism about myself, or even my Poshmark closet, it wrecks me. I don't even get immediately sad or anything, I get defensive. I get PHYSICALLY shaky and anxious. It's like I'm being put on the spot, which I absolutely hate. I need to do it for myself. The only way to truly succeed is to fail again and again, and KEEP. GOING. I've been having these HUGE epiphanies lately that stem from the most basic, common, and small ideas. Here is one: The people who I see as successful, failed. They failed over and over and over. But they never gave up. They LEARNED from their failures and took defeat as a lesson to get better. Try harder. And keep fighting until those dreams became a reality. THOSE are the people that we truly look up to. We don't look up to the people who tried something and gave up. We look up to those who fought to be everything they were meant to be. I'm going to fight. I don't have anything LEFT but fight. It's not gonna be easy, it's not going to be comfortable, but the only way to have the life you DREAM of and ACHE for is to FIGHT FOR IT. More to come. Well! It's only 2PM but I feel like it's been kind of a productive day. What I mean by kind of, is that I really haven't gotten a whole lot done, but the past 24 hours or so I have been noticing my perspective changing.
This started out on YouTube- I clicked on the app for no particular reason, just to find something more wholesome than Netflix to watch for a bit. The first video I saw was of Sadie Robertson speaking at an event- her words are always encouraging and motivating. From that video, I clicked on a video from another speaker, and another.... and watched almost an entire sermon series from a church in South Carolina. I am learning so much about myself this week, and about what I deserve and want and am QUALIFIED for. God has QUALIFIED us to do something. He put that purpose in you before the beginning, and He gave you the ability to fulfill that purpose. We just have to walk a while with Him to see what it is! I am always trying to figure out where I'm supposed to be, or what I'm supposed to be doing. But what if, I am where I am for a reason? What if I am where I am to lean what I'm learning about my purpose RIGHT NOW? I've been thinking lately that I need to start waking up earlier. Getting up at the same time every day, before everyone in the house is starting their day, is motivating and refreshing. I haven't started this thing yet, but it's coming. It is very difficult for me to balance the periods of time in my life where I work with the ones where I don't. For me it seems like it needs to be one or the other- but life was meant to be balanced. I need to figure out what that is. What I DO know is that I want my work to BE fun- so that's what I'm working on right now. Today I got up around 8, that's not early, but I was intentional about setting an alarm. I got up and just had a slightly different perspective about the day- perhaps it was the cooler weather of the morning, but I'd also like to think it was because of all the truth and life that was spoken into my yesterday though all those sermons and messages. I WANT MORE OF JESUS. That's gonna look weird for me- because 1) I try to hide 2) I'm not the nicest person sometimes (especially with my family) I don't WANT to love people. I want to hide. I want people to leave me alone. But God created us as RELATIONAL people. We were not meant to be alone. That goes back to Adam and Eve, when God created Adam and said- wait- this is not good. Man shouldn't be alone. WE NEED PEOPLE. I am learning so much and just starting out- I hope this is a productive journey. Because if anything I stick to in my entire life, this would be the most important. Love God, love yourself, then love others. How can you love others if you don't love yourself? How can you love yourself if you don't know your identity, who God MADE YOU TO BE? Alright. So I'm getting to the point where, if I don't make this thing (my website, YT channel, etc.) happen, it's never going to. To be honest, I just don't know how to get people to listen. In order for this to work for a career, which is what I want ultimately, you need to get people to listen to you. How do you do that? My theory is that to get people to listen, you have to either A. Give them something they want B. Be an example of something they want/need and be someone they look up to IDK HOW TO DO THAT! I'm gonna be real with you guys, I am so, so far from perfect. I am far from motivated. I am far from certain about how I want my life to look. Even more, with what I DO know about how I want my life to look, I don't know how to get there. I don't know if God is going to change things up on me. I don't know if I would be more satisfied in something else, giving my dreams up to God. These are things that I am starting to work on a little bit. Because, like I said before, it's now or never. Please join me on this journey- I hope that, together, we can learn to be motivated and just DO stuff. Not be so afraid or uncertain or not feel smart enough, experienced enough, or successful enough. Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." I went to YouTube for some encouragement- to be spoken into by the words of those whom I respect and listen to. I always go directly to Sadie Robertson's channel to see if there's anything new. Of course she is amazing, and her video that I clicked on led me to this video. There was no reason for me to watch this video- I would rarely click on a video this long, and I'm not even a huge ambassador for Bethel. But God knew exactly what He wanted to say to me, and He showed me through this video. I am going to spend some time with Him directly after I write this, but I feel like I just need to share this with you. Kristene tells us in this video that she was asked when she was 21, Why is God Jesus? At the time, she didn't know how to answer that. She realized that she didn't have the answers- why was she even a Christian? Why did she believe in God? I'm not doubting what I believe right now by any means, but I have been challenged recently to look into what I believe, and why I believe it. It's also ironic that Kristene allowed Christ into her heart when she was 3 years old. I was also 3 when I decided I wanted Him to always be with me. This does create quite a challenge in our hearts because we were so young when we accepted that. But God has said that we should return to a "childlike faith". I believe in Him because I can't imagine living without Him. It's not because I was young when I chose to love him, it's that I've tried to make decisions on my own, or think of what would happen if I didn't consider His words, and I can't see it going anyway good. We NEED a leader, a mediator, a SAVIOR. I am so glad that He loves me, and that by loving me, He gives me the power to freely and absolutely love others, and share the incredible, unexplainable love and FREEDOM that is ONLY FOUND IN THE ONE WHO MAKES US NEW. I understand her experience/thoughts on a level that I can't describe.
---->Hope is alive today, because HE is alive today. ---->LOVE transforms way more than religion. ---->He is very present in people's sorrow. "I realized that everybody I would meet the city already know that God's real, they just don't know His name" "Unless the Holy Spirit says something to me, I don't have an answer...personally." "[I was thinking] the promises that were spoken in my life, in this Bible, they need to be for me, I need this to be real" "I'm not gonna listen to these lies anymore... I'm gonna wake up and choose to believe that God is who He says He is...I don't have any options. It's something really beautiful that happens, when God becomes your only option." "I was meant to carry a lot more than I understood, or believed that I could." "I needed Him to be outside of every idea I ever had of who He was......I needed a rescuer." Have you experienced a similar moment with God? Tweet me @lifeasemilyhope ....Ezra 10:4....
Wow. It has been quite the New York minute since I've posted anything. I am sad for that, but if only you guys knew what has been going on these past several months..... I'm not trying to avoid talking about all that's happened, by no means, but there is just so MUCH that I haven't written about. I'm sure you will see bits and pieces of it in the upcoming posts, but at this point I'm not planning on going back and re-living and recording all of those moments. I will say, however, that I am back in New York. Actually, I am back in my parents' house. Tennessee did not work out, not that I thought it definitely would. I just had to DO something. I am so glad that I have become the type of person who is willing to take risks and do something that most people would call crazy, or be too scared to try! It is a little sad when I am asked to explain why I am back in NY. The Sunday before I left for TN, I was asked to speak in front of my entire church and explain that I was leaving, and what was "next" for me. Less than two months later, I was right back where I started. Actually, further back from where I started. However, life is unpredictable, and I didn't go to TN to pursue anything specific anyway. MOVING ON, to my life now in NY. I started a new job on January 2nd, 2018. Wow. I can't believe time goes by so quickly! I now work in a chocolate factory (get all those jokes out of your mind now), and I actually really like the work. I work a night shift, which has created quite a difficult lifestyle for me, but it is what it is. The people are very different from what I'm used to, in that I have sheltered myself verrryyyy well up until this point in my life. But I have a few people looking out for me, and I am doing pretty well there being "buds" will all these different people. It's actually quite amazing. This leads me to the cool part, and honestly why I think I ended up right back in NY in the first place. Soooo many of my coworkers have been broken. There are people there that tell my constantly that they're losing hope, they are stuck in addiction, they want to cease to exist, etc. Lots of them do not believe that there's a purpose for their life. Many feel like they have no control, because of the types of situations they are in. No one likes feeling like they have no say over their lives. BUT, the cool part is, I get to share Jesus with these people every night. I've had multiple people ask me if I'm a Christian, when they had no reason to ask. Guys, when you have Jesus, PEOPLE SEE IT. It is truly beautiful and incredible. A lot of people view Christians in a very negative light. The most common issue that people have with us is that they see us as judgmental or stuck up. I try really hard to listen sincerely and understand where people are coming from- but sometimes, people still have it in the back of their minds that, since I am a Christian, I am judging them. Where does that mindset come from? Christians, we have to do something about this. I want people to know Jesus because they know me. I want to be so filled by my Savior that when people see me, they absolutely see Jesus, and WANT Him. It's not about me. I can only pour out what I am filling myself with- so I completely recognize that I need to be spending more time with Him and his words. I want to know Him and love Him even more, because I am nothing without Him. SO, THAT IS MY CURRENT LIFE SITUATION It's not glamorous, it's definitely not where I thought I would be at this point in my life, but it's my new reality. God literally brought me back to NY for this. When I left, I knew it wasn't led by God. He gave me an incredible opportunity, that literally seemed like a miracle, but He also gave me the choice of going my own way, or going His way. I hope that next time I try to do something crazy and incredible, I stop to ask my best friend and supporter what He thinks I should do. Because His opinion is the only one that matters anyway. Why do you think you are in the current life situation you are in? Do you know your purpose? Tweet me @lifeasemilyhope September 4, 2017
Hey guys! So I have not posted much lately, so much has been going on in my mind! I want this website to be something I love running, but it is really hard to do this all by yourself! ANYWAY, for those of you who don't know, I am moving to Nashville very soon! It's pretty insane how this whole thing came about, I will try to share the story with you at a later time- but I just want to say, God has been doing some incredible things in my life this year. I am so excited to begin this journey, from NY--->TN. I feel like my life is finally starting! These past several years I have dreamed and cried and prayed for a fresh start, and I just always had a feeling that when it came, it was gonna be GOOD. So I tried to be patient. I'm not exactly sure how God could love me so, so much, but I know that He has a huge plan in store for me. There's no other explanation. <3 Since I was little, I always felt like I would do something big. But over the years, I didn't really do much and it broke me. I had always KNOWN I would be an influence in people's lives, but when it didn't happen (at least from what I could see myself), I doubted myself and never knew quite what to do to "fix" it. This countdown will be a lot of fun- I am very excited to document this journey, and I'm glad you guys can be a part of it in some ways! Today I actually started something really cool- an Anchor station! For those of you who don't know, Anchor.fm is a radio/podcasting type app where you can broadcast voice, music, interviews, etc.! It was only my first day but I can tell it's gonna be a lot of fun. I will be broadcasting my countdown and my journey to Nashville at anchor.fm/emily-hope Check it out, and call in! I just might add your call to my station. ;) #CountdownToNashville @lifeasemilyhope Guys, I'm really nothing special. It's kind of strange being me, because growing up I always felt like I was destined to be someone great. I knew in my soul that I would be an influencer, and inspire people to love God and be light. Life is so, so temporary but often we get caught up in it. Time is perceived so much differently by us, versus how God views time.
He created each of us to live out a specific purpose in our time on earth. I wonder how many people have actually lived up to their purpose? I know that I don't want to waste my life away, and regret it all later. I already regret wasting so much time in my life and I'm fighting to LIVE. But it is so, so hard. I don't exactly know what the issue is- all I know is that I can't do this in my strength. I need someone who believes in me enough to be willing to push me, and not give up on me or just fade away from my life. But I HAVE the influence and relationship. Without it, without working on it, I have no power. That's kind of where I'm at right now. God is the only motivator I need. BUT, He did create people to be in community with each other- for a very specific reason. We need people in our lives to build us up, and they need us to be there to listen and support them as well. PRAY for these people in your life. Pray that you'll find this small group of people who are solid friends- friendship is so passive these days, and I hate that. I wish things could go back to their original design- but they never will, so I don't know exactly how to create that world again for myself. Because it's not solely up to me. But I need to pray unceasingly for motivation and creativity, or I'm never going to get ANYWHERE. It's slowly killing me. I'm just beginning to have some leads about how to improve my health. Hopefully, I'll be able to improve my mental health as well- creativity has been so limited in me since my concussion last year. Everything changed for me that day. But I needed a different kind of change. Life is all about honoring and serving God, and listening to Him when He tells you to do something. Listen to that voice! Be an influencer. We got this. Tweet me @lifeasemilyhope with responses to this post. Today was perrrrfeccccctt. I was woken up by the sound of birds at 4:30 this morning. I fell back asleep, but after about 30 minutes I woke up to the refreshing sound of rain and the feeling of the fresh breeze blowing through my little apartment. That's the perfect way to start a day. I long to find a place in the world where it's not typically humid, usually sunny, and rains a lot. :) That's the dream! Anyway, I met up with an old friend (since Kindergarten, I might add) for breakfast at a little diner in the town I grew up in. It's the coolest place, I've always loved that classic stuff. The two of us are known (not really) for taking walks together so we went to a park nearby and walked around... A bit later we took the drive up to the best hill around here, and WOW was it gorgeous! Sunny, breezy, warm, with glider planes taking off overhead... PERFECTION. THEN, my day resumed with a baby shower for one of my "ex-coworkers". She is so beautiful; I am so glad to have gotten to know her a bit better in the past year. Super excited for her! Her family is the sweetest and so fun; it was a great time. I got home (I feel like I'm starving btw- I think I may be out of food...) and watched Moana... and cried obvi. It's just so inspiring haha, and the music is influential! Love it. I've now continued on to watching The Secret Life of Pets. ADORE this movie. Wow. It's just so well put together and FUNNY! Moving on to my night.... I plan to make some food out whatever's least frost bit in the freezer, and, oh... did I forget to switch that laundry? Sigh. I can't wait until my roommate comes back from vacation. Upstate NY- June 2017Follow me @lifeasemilyhope to keep up with me!! |
AuthorI'm a girl from Upstate NY who aspires to inspire. Archives
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